dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
