we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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