i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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