I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
