Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
