I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
