Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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