I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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