i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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