hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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