i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
