At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
