Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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