i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
