Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Even my vagina gasped.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize