It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize