I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
