U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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