Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i think im in europe. pls send help
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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