DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
