how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
