I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
