You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
