Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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