so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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