she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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