My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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