her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
