Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
