dude i'm inner monologue high
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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