I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
