i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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