i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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