I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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