Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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