P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
