Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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