i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
