I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my poor anus
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
