yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
