You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
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