Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
