if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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