All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
