Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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