Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
