"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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