Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
