Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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