I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
