Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
