so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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