its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
