Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
BRING THE BAGELS
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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