Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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