Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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