In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
