I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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