Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
