you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
