You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
