why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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