my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i don't like sucking hair
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
