i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
