that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize