I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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