he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize