normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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